ERROL PARKER | Chief Editor | Contact
A man who is obviously on a first name basis with the guys at the Betoota Heights Stockland Tarocash store today debuted some new kicks in the offices of Desert Rock FM, telling the receptionist they are ‘boring “.
Mid-level sales manager Mark Hooterman, who shot to fame in 2019 for running a faux-Labrador puppy mill with his brother Glen, told everyone listening yesterday that he was heading to David Jones in the French Quarter after work to check out their irresistible range of johnny corporate shoes.
He said the lawyer today uninvited he tried many different shoes but was genuinely blown away by the superior comfort of the $59 brown square toe oxford shoes and the fact that they can go with all the shades of $19 suit pants he has in the closet.
“Check them out,” he said.
“These are random brands, probably made by Bangladeshi school children! [explosive laughter] Yeah probably not that funny but for $59 you can’t beat a pair of these. I could walk a marathon in this right now. Gun to the head, of course! [explosive laughter] Fuck walking that far, I don’t care if it costs a few trees or suffocates a few koalas, I don’t care!”
Our reporter was downstairs at the shared coffee space that the lawyer and Desert Rock FM share. Mr. Hooterman had walked over to our reporter’s table and without even making eye contact or even introducing himself, he launched into another stream of consciousness.
“Do you know Dogga from Dogga & Dan in the Morning?” asked Mark.
Our reporter nodded as they have the highest rated FM radio show from Betoota and the Diamantina at large.
“Well, Dogga put shit on me right before. Wondering if I bought my new shoes in a brothel. Not so funny, especially in 2022. Well everyone laughed so I went to the gas station and bought a bottle of DOT4 brake fluid. I took it down to the parking lot and poured it on Dogga’s new Porsche, then turned off the mirrors.
“There is so much padding in these shoes that I barely felt the impact. Go see, the paint is already starting to peel off the car. Who’s laughing now?”
Without breaking eye contact with the wall, Mark laughed and left the cafe without saying goodbye.